Here we go again
by LunarLacrimosa
Summary: Before Tranquility, Miles and Sam lived together in a small town in Colorado, South Park. Sam never told him about the alien robots because he didn't want to lose the bet they made. Crack!Transformers/South Park. Miles/Kenny


**AN: **_So if you've ever seen South Park, Miles is basically Kenny. Keeps dying and then coming back. Random idea I had. If you've read any of my stories then you might be able to guess some of how it goes. Complete stupidness_

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><p>To anyone who knew Sam Witwicky well enough, they knew his best friend was Miles Lancaster. Bumblebee, the young Autobot Scout assigned as his Guardian, knew this as a fact. The two were practically inseparable if it was a normal day, and not just a Mikaela and Sam day, or a day spent at NEST. What Bumblebee didn't know was why Miles wasn't included in the knowledge of Cybertronians, or what really happened during Mission City. He thought he had been the only one to notice, but one afternoon after school proved him wrong.<p>

The school year they had met the Autobots had long since ended, and summer had passed, bringing them to a new school year. Now it was early September. The day was a normal one, and he was sitting at the overlook. Mikaela and Sam lounged on his hood, and he had his holoform out and beside his Charge, so he and the human femme were making a kind of Sam sandwich. Their backpacks were in the backseat, neither feeling like doing the homework they had yet.

"So, Sam," Mikaela said idly, playing with his hair. "Why haven't you told Miles yet?"

"Why?" Sam asked, leaning up to look around Bumblebee.

"I have been wondering that myself. You two are very close, yet you have kept me a secret from him. As well as the existence of aliens altogether." Bumblebee said, using the term aliens loosely.

Sam looked at the both of them, before laying back down on Bumblebee's hood with a sigh.

"We used to live together even before Tranquility. A lot of stuff happened to Miles in our old neighborhood, but when we moved here everything calmed down. That's when we made the bet, and I'm determined not to lose."

Mikaela and Bumblebee shared a look, and the Autobot spoke up. "How could you possibly lose it if he meets us?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, Bee." Sam replied, and when Bumblebee looked the teen had a grin on his face. He had certainly learnt how to be cryptic.

After that he and Mikaela had banded together to attempt to find out why, but neither could get anything out of Sam. Mikaela even went after Miles, but the boy was tightlipped about anything that happened in their old neighborhood.

By October both he and Mikaela had let the subject drop.

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><p>"Hey, dude, look at that piece of junk coming up the street!" Miles laughed, nudging Sam's side.<p>

The two were currently sitting on Sam's car, and Miles still had no idea that the Camaro was a sentient being. It was already half way into October, and Halloween decorations were put up all over. The two were at the overlook for a school project in art, waiting to take pictures of the scenic su

Sam peered at the vehicle his friend had been referring to, and felt his heart skip a beat. The saleen police cruiser had more dents and scratches then when he last saw it, and he could just see the beginnings of the insignia on the side, 'To Punish and Enslave'.

"Bee!" He choked out, ignoring the odd look Miles gave him.

"I know." The voice came out of the radio, drifting out the open windows just as Bumblebee's engine started.

Miles scrambled off the hood just as the Decepticon pulled up to an uncomfortably close place, and Sam watched as his best human friend backed up towards the Decepticon instead of away.

"Sam, what the he-" Miles cut himself off as he backed into Barricade's hood, the Decepticon's engine revving angrily. He turned around to apologize to the driver just as Barricade transformed, shocking him.

Barricade sneered down at him, "Watch what you run into, fleshling."

Miles gaped up at him, and Bumblebee transformed into his own alt mode quickly, making sure to step just in front of Sam, and that much closer to Miles.

"Barricade, step away from Miles." Bumblebee ordered, glaring at the Decepticon.

"He ran into me insect." Barricade growled in response, shifting his attention from the organic at his feet to the Autobot.

"_SAMUAL JAMES WITWICKY_!"

The yell surprised the two Cybertronians, and both looked at the now irate teen standing at the peds of the Decepticon. Bumblebee was used to the usually calm, happy, if not slightly random Miles. He had never seen or heard the teen angry before, and considering the role he tended to play as inanimate chauffer, he was around the teen a lot.

"Miles," Sam held his hands up in a defensive manner, "Think about why I wouldn't tell you about this. Can you understand?"

"Why? Yes. What I can't understand is that you didn't tell me your car was a giant robot!" Miles turned to Bumblebee, "I'm so sorry I spilled my drink in you that one time! Oh, and threw up in you that other time! Sam's a dumbass."

"It's fine, Miles. Just move away from Barricade." Bumblebee's optics were trained on Barricade again, watching him and scanning him for any signs of ill intent.

Barricade almost looked amused, using a ped to nudge Miles in the back towards Bumblebee. "Yes, fleshling, go to the insect before I decide to step on you."

Miles did as the Decepticon said, walking over to Bumblebee. As soon as he was close enough, Sam darted forward, practically dragging his friend behind the Autobot. The Decepticon and Autobot started talking in rapid fire Cybertronian.

"What are they saying?" Miles asked, eying the two.

"No idea, that's Cybertronian."

"What are they?"

"Cybertronians from the planet Cybertron. The police car one, Barricade, is a Decepticon. Bumblebee, my car, is an Autobot. The Autobots and Decepticons are at war. Remember Mission City? Government cover up."

Sam took a deep breath, and then explained everything. How his family was involved, buying Bumblebee, meeting Barricade, the parts with Mikaela, meeting the rest of the Autobots, Sector Seven, Mission City, everything.

"Sam?"

"Yes?"

"I hate you."

Pause. "I know."

The two turned and watched Barricade and Bumblebee. Sam was pleasantly surprised to see that they were not fighting. At least not physically, anyway. And then Bumblebee was actually stepping towards the Decepticon, and appeared to be looking him over.

"Bee?" Sam asked warily.

"Due to his condition and his strong will to live, Barricade has decided to become a Decepticon Neutral. He will be coming with us to the base, along with Miles. I have already talked to Optimus and Ratchet, they both know and agree. However, they have left to go greet Sunstreaker and Sideswipe as they land. Even the soldiers."

"But… But…" It took Sam a moment to process that, before he was groaning. "Slag. Okay, but we're both riding in you, right?"

"Of course. Barricade will be in front of us. I assure you that both of you will be extremely safe."

Miles just grinned, while Sam sighed. Bumblebee raised an optic ridge, before shaking his head. Even after all this time humans were still so confusing.

"Insect, my sensor relays are starting to fail." Barricade grumbled, too low for the humans to hear.

Sensor relays are part of what helps Cybertronians to keep track of everything around them. On Earth, they were used to always keep a note on where any humans were so they wouldn't be stepped on or landed on should an Autobot fall.

"It'll be fine. I'll keep an optic out, too." Bumblebee responded, fully believing so.

What happened next surprised both Cybertronians completely. They were advanced beings, and could calculate the most difficult math equation on Earth in .01 seconds, if that. Years of upgrades, protocols, relays, and advanced systems put them light years ahead of humans. On top of that, both of them were counted as Scouts, though Barricade wasn't officially. They were sent to be observant and blend in with the new culture, among other things. But one tiny organic managed to catch both of their advanced processors off guard.

"Oh, my camera!"

"Miles sto-"

The sickeningly quick sound of bones snapping and a quick squash. Shocked silence from the only organic remaining, and the two Cybertronians as they all looked down at Barricade's ped.

"You stepped on Miles! _DAMNIT!_" Sam yelled, having nothing else to do.

"He just… I didn't even…" Bumblebee was in shock. He had been watching too, he didn't know what had happened. A glitch? Barricade hadn't meant to either, Bumblebee could tell even if it would be unknowable to a human.

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><p>The entire ride to the NEST base Sam was quiet. Bumblebee was the only one to talk, and that was to the Autobots at base. They needed to know what happened, and that it was an accident on Barricade's part. It was unlikely Ironhide would believe it, but the Scout had to try.<p>

He felt horrible for Miles dying. He had looked forward to getting to know the teen, and for the two of them to gang up on Sam together. He had seen how attached Miles' parents were to him, and how attached Sam was to him, too. His Charge must be devastated, and Bumblebee couldn't blame him. The two were so close. Bumblebee had seen a lot of pictures of them, even a few videos that Judy had managed to dig up.

When they arrived, Sam immediately got out of Bumblebee and sprinted off. Both Bumblebee and Barricade transformed, watching the teen silently. Bumblebee watched with concern, and Barricade with a small amount of curiosity.

"I have no idea what he's doing." Bumblebee told the mech, barely getting a glance in response. Barricade didn't really care.

Bumblebee wasn't sure what to do. He knew he should keep an optic on Barricade, which he was doing, but he also wanted to follow his Charge. He opted for keeping an optic on the Decepticon, turning and beginning to go over him with the medical knowledge he had. A Scout needed to at least know some in case something should happen.

It wasn't until Barricade tensed, and a curious sound came out of him that Bumblebee turned around. There walking towards them was Sam, but he was with someone. Sam was with _Miles._

Although they didn't know it, both Cybertronians could feel the processors come to an entire halt. Thoughts stopped completely, up until the two humans stopped in front of the Cybertronians.

Sam grinned up at Bumblebee, "What's wrong, Bee?"

Despite being highly advanced beings, the two just stared at the teens dumbfounded. Quickly done statistics and percentages showed that this should be impossible, as the chance of them both having the same malfunction that showed exactly the same thing, which then projected it on to Sam for a short amount of time. Poor Bumblebee suddenly knew what Prowl starting to lock up felt like.

"Sam, I think they remember." Miles said softly. "It was an unusually fast come back."

"Pish, po-" Sam was cut off by Bumblebee.

"You died!" Finger pointed and voice staticky with shock, the Scout let his confusion be known.

Sam stared, "Oh."

"Told you." Miles smirked, "Well, not all humans stay dead."

"What the frag does that mean?" Barricade growled out.

"It means, Barry, that I've died several times now and each time I come back. How long it takes to come back differs, but generally only Sam can remember me dying in the first place. Not even my parents remember. He's also able to pinpoint where I'll come back if he's near enough to do so. Everyone's memory just… adjusts to block me out."

"_Barry?_" Both Bumblebee and Barricade asked, though Barricade spat the word out with a snarl.

"I believe that's what I said."

Sam rolled his eyes, "Well this is new. Remember when I said Miles had bad luck? I wasn't lying."

"So you've died before?" Bumblebee asked with amazement.

"Pack of angry turkeys, stampede during Black Friday, stampeded by bulls, cars, buses, killed, fire, drowned, Barricade. Anything unusual and unbelievable? I pretty much die that way." Miles listed, before pausing in thought. "The first time I died saving Sam."

That was completely and utterly unbelievable, but both had seen Miles die. Barricade had been the one to kill him. Both scanned the teen, but found nothing unusual.

The only thing Bumblebee could come up with is that the Allspark cube had been watching out for Sam, and since Miles saved him, it brought him back to life. Bumblebee was a believer in Primus, like most mechs, and like most thought the God already had a bit planned out for his creations. This bit could have included Sam for when they landed on Earth. But it kept him in a continuous loop of dying and coming back.

Bumblebee comm'd the team retrieving the twins, and told Ratchet and Wheeljack to look Miles over when they came back, telling all of the Autobots everything.

Meanwhile, Sam showed Miles around. Barricade and Bumblebee followed, Barricade getting his tour via listening to Sam as he showed around his fellow teen. They were just nearing Wheeljack's lab when there was a loud explosion, and the lab just flew apart.

They all watched as a large section of the roof came right at Sam and Miles, Miles shoving his best friend towards Bumblebee. Sam called out for his friend, and Bumblebee tried to reach him in time, but he seemed to be moving slower than usual, a glitch in part of his relays.

They were all surprised when Barricade was the one to reach out and save him, using a servo to block the flying piece of building. Even Miles was surprised, staring up in shock.

"What?" Barricade growled, "I owed him."


End file.
